Friday, February 29, 2008

By: Amy Bailey, General Manager, Values Count, LLC

On Accountability

 Accountability. What does that mean? To me, simply, it means stepping up. Taken from the headlines over the past many months here’s what accountability isn’t and is:

•  Accountability isn’t going to rehab for thirty days then wearing an alcohol-sensing ankle bracelet only to end up getting arrested for driving under the influence mere weeks later. Did you forget to turn on the ankle bracelet that night or were its warnings ignored? It’s not playing the victim and pointing the finger at someone else. It’s not blaming the paparazzi who happened to be there to catch it all on film. Please.
  
•  Accountability is taking responsibility for what’s yours. For what you own. It’s not accusing opportunist relatives when your property is raided and a dog fighting ring is uncovered. If you own property in a state and allow people you know to live there, don’t you have some sort of responsibility to keep an eye on things? Or hire someone to do that? Is ignorance is an excuse? Never mind the fact that you are allegedly deeply involved in the heinous, cruel activities that happened there. Are you guilty of a crime? The courts have decided ‘yes’ but in addition I believe you’re guilty of, at a minimum, severe foolishness. Talent and wisdom on the field doesn’t beget the same off of it.

Certainly celebrities and professional athletes give us lots of fodder to mull over when it comes to values. The bad news, the shocking news is what gets top billing but, to be fair, the vast majority of  "people in the limelight" are leading normal (for them) lives. They are not setting bad examples for those who are watching and paying attention to their careers and personal lives. Unfortunately what gets played over and over again by every media outlet is the bad stuff. I almost want to throw out my TV, stop my newspaper and magazine subscriptions and become "blissfully unaware". The sports world these days is of particular concern to me.

If my almost-teenager son wants to get an update of what happened in sports the previous night he will inevitably hear about this NFL player getting arrested or that MLB player or Tour-de-France contender being accused of taking steroids as he waits for the game highlights. If my younger daughter is nearby playing she hears this news as well and sometimes lengthy explanations are requested of me by both. I’m pretty fed up with it. These athletes get paid an exorbitant amount of money to play a sport. It’s a dream job if you ask me. But it is a job and the participants need to be held to a high standard. Their employers or sponsors need to hold them accountable which means instituting proper consequences when necessary. Now I understand that someone is innocent until proven guilty but you know what, if you are hurting the reputation of the sport with your continued bad behavior, if you continually are ‘at the wrong place and the wrong time’ or constantly ‘don’t know’ how something went down then it’s time you’re sent on your way. In any other job if my performance or behavior is detrimental to how my company is viewed you can bet I’d be fired. The ‘powers that be’ need to do what’s right. Some seem to have a hard time doing that but if you took money out of the equation the answer would be obvious. But it seems that money is what is really driving all the non-decisions and second, third or ninth chances these players are given. Those in charge know that for all those who may give up their season tickets as a result of what’s not right with the game, there are others waiting in line to snatch those tickets up. They wonder, however, if those eager shoppers will remain if they unload their star player and that muddies the waters for them. Not me. Recently after hearing of a barrage of pending charges against several NFL players, I commented in jest that if I wanted to see thugs play football I could just go to a nearby prison yard and watch a game so why would I buy a high-priced ticket to see an NFL game? Am I the only one feeling this way?

 It’s troubling. Do these players not believe that they have a responsibility to the public? They absolutely do. And those that whine about it need to stop. If you get paid millions and your boss tells you to NOT do things like get arrested, dress like a gangster, finance or participate in dogfights, treat people unkindly, take drugs, mouth-off at whomever you want, commit crimes of any sort then you do as you’re told. These would seem like job requirements that needn’t be spelled out but for some it’s apparently not so transparent. It is a privilege to do what they do. They are heroes to some. Kids who play sports dream of becoming a professional one day. We parents sit on the sidelines and support those dreams but also remind them how important their education is, how important it is to be kind to others, how important it is to have a back up plan if it doesn’t pan out. Some people watch the famous fall from grace and feel sorry for them or make excuses for them.  I do not. I shake my head and comment about what they are wasting and express hope that those who seek to emulate them find another “hero” to look up to. A celebrity is a real person who may have a real problem. Okay, so fix it or attempt to fix it – really fix it, don’t just do damage control. They often have exclusive means to get the help they need, which is much more than most people have who have problems far worse than theirs. So be accountable. Step up. Or just go away.

 **Please submit any comments at the bottom of this page**

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

By: Amy Bailey, General Manager, Values Count, LLC

On Gratitude

 It seems appropriate given the month that I write about gratitude. Every November there is big talk about being thankful. The kids come home from school with papers, crafts and conversation expressing what they are thankful for. I am always very grateful when I find out that my child isn’t the one who is most thankful for television, video games or candy. Not that my kids aren’t delighted to pieces for those things. I am sure somewhere on my daughter’s thankful list are television sensations Hannah Montana and High School Musical; and LeBron James and ESPN would surely make my son’s list as they very nicely feed his sports passion. Hopefully, though, they both realize that what truly makes a difference in their lives are caring people like family, friends and teachers and those “gifts” that can’t be bought.

Something I’m realizing this year is how difficult it is in challenging times to somehow feel grateful. It is so much easier to focus on what I am not grateful for: war, sick family members, soaring gasoline prices, dust (also soaring, on my furniture), a lawn that needs one last cutting, leaves that need raking, appliances that need fixing, etc. Some of these things are pretty darn minor (the lawn) while others are quite significant (war, sick family members) and most would agree they are not things for which one would be thankful. It’s a piece of cake to think of what isn’t going well. They are the things that constantly nag at you.  They are the things you wish would change. But what about all that’s going well? What is it that allows you to forget about the minor or not-so-minor lows in your life? I decided to give myself a little homework assignment – much like what they do in elementary schools around the country – and write out things that I am grateful for. Guess what? It was an excellent exercise. I couldn’t very well be down or pessimistic when I looked at my completed list.

 Here is just some of what I had on my list: my children, people who I love and love me back, my dogs, the pretty leaves changing colors in my backyard, the rain that is helping us recover from the summer drought, work that I find meaningful and feel good about, music, the comics page of the newspaper, crossword puzzles, late night chats with friends, The University of Virginia’s unexpectedly good football record (I’ll be even more thankful if we beat Virginia Tech on the 24th!), books, my home, art, my many neighbors who are always supportive, holidays and traditions that are comforting and special, wildlife, and the possibility of travel to places interesting and beautiful. This is just a partial list of what I am thankful for. As it turns out, the list just flowed out of me when I focused and it ultimately gave me back some perspective.

 Not everything in life is positive. There are good days and bad days. People get sick and must endure long, painful recoveries. Things break and need repaired or replaced. Bonuses don’t come in and people lose jobs presenting financial difficulties for families. These types of challenges will never go away for some and will come and go for others. No one lives a “charmed life” all of the time. But if you stop and think about the good things – if you look inward – you might find that it isn’t so hard to see the bright side. I will always have metaphorical “leaves to rake” but I also will always have people to love, things that make me laugh or smile, nature to provide beauty in its many forms and the promise of another day. And for that I am truly grateful.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

By: Amy Bailey, General Manager, Values Count, LLC

Civility at the Airport...and our Tendencies to Pass Judgment

On a fairly recent vacation with my family I took some time to observe human behavior at the airport and on the airplane. People-watching can be pretty interesting and I normally just let my eyes wander and I take things in. This time, though, I specifically took notice of the ways in which civil behavior was or was not being practiced. Most people were just ‘doing their thing’ to get from one point to another. Nothing spectacular or particularly good or bad was occurring to them – it was just a typical travel routine.

But a few things did catch my eye:

• Two cute little girls running around the waiting area screaming, running into people and causing a bit of a ruckus. Their parents sat behind me looking at a real estate magazine, seemingly unaware of their disruptive behavior.
  
• A couple who proactively offered to change seats so that a large family could sit closer together.
  
• A gentleman sitting across the aisle from me enduring about an a half hour’s worth of seat jostling as a result of two girls playing some sort of ‘slam’ card game on the tray table attached to his seat. After being woken up from a nap by one of these “slams” he simply moved to an open seat, not looking the least bit annoyed.
  
• Many people pushing past others and blocking aisles in what appeared to be an effort to get off the plane as quickly as possible. This always happens and I’m fairly certain the offenders are not all in danger of missing a connecting flight (which still wouldn't excuse this behavior in my book).
  
• A man rolling his eyes and not-so-quietly saying “just great” to his travel companion as a family with small children was approaching their section of the plane.

Some of these examples are positive, some negative and as such I noticed I had sort of formed positive or negative opinions of the people involved – all of them strangers to me – as a result. I admit that is very judgmental, which is not good or fair but it was my gut reaction. It made me wonder how often we have those 'gut reactions'? I'm betting it's quite often. When someone is rude to you, do you tend to think that s/he must be a rude person, in general? When someone holds the door open for you to pass through, don’t you tend to label that person in your mind as someone who is probably always kind and mindful of others? If I had someone hold a door for me then minutes later someone let it slam right in my face I imagine my gut reaction might be that the door-holder was kind and thoughtful to others most of the time and the door-slammer was self-centered and rude. Obviously these are not fair assessments (and thus I might need to work on being more tolerant of others), but those kinds of actions make an impact. Clearly one simple encounter may not necessarily be a window into one’s overall character, but let's face it, we make these mini-assessments of people all the time. When we see mothers snap at their youngsters we automatically assume the mother is a meanie, not just relative to the matter at hand but all the time. We shake our heads and feel sorry for the kids without having any idea what prompted the mom's harsh words . Is that fair? No, it’s not.  It may possibly be accurate sometimes but not fair. I am sure I’ve been dubbed that meanie mom on occasion when I've scolded one of my children in public. I’m also sure I’ve been absent-minded and forgot to hold a door for someone following me into a store. So have there been times when strangers have looked at me and assumed me to have major character flaws as a result? Probably. 

So, what am I saying?  That  we need to worry at all times about what others think of us? Of course not. People will think what they want, we can't help that, but we can, ourselves, try not to pass those kinds judgments on others.  If you are guilty at times, like me, of making mini-assessments of people, let's try to stop that. When someone forgets to hold the door for you, s/he may have just gotten some bad news and isn't thinking as clearly as usual. And that meanie mom? Well, maybe her kid had just whacked a sibling in the head with a book or something resulting in that 'snap'. Maybe it was the third or fourth whack, even. Who knows? It's easy to judge without all the information but it's not fair to do so.

And to be clear, what I am NOT saying is that the reason we should practice good values is to ensure people don’t unfairly and inaccurately deem us total amoral individuals without any redeeming values.  We should seek to practice positive values because it’s the right thing to do; because we’ll feel better about ourselves knowing we took the higher road; that it will make a positive impact or difference in our own or someone else’s life. We should do it because it makes our world a better place to live and I don’t know about you but I am all for that.

** Please submit any comments below.

Friday, September 14, 2007

By: Amy Bailey, General Manager, Values Count, LLC

Sports Values - What's going on?

What is going on these days in sports? Perhaps it has always been going on and there is just more media coverage these days. Or is it that people are trying make our professional athletes accountable by 'getting the word out'? I am disappointed just about every day I pick up the sports page or read online sports news. There is presumed or actual steroid use, arrests for unimaginably brutal dog fighting practices and cruelty to animals, the failure to pay child support to seven of nine children fathered out of wedlock with nine different women across multiple states, cheating or attempts to cheat by coaches during games, gambling on and/or fixing games by referees and the seeming endless list of other criminal offenses that professional athletes are being charged with or convicted of. The aforementioned items are just a small sampling of actual news stories from the past couple of months. It is disappointing, to say the least. It is turning many a sports fan into untrusting cynics and I can't say that I blame them.

I worry a lot about the impact of these actions on our youth. Are our sports professionals affirming the use of performance enhancing drugs when they take them? When a player is arrested time and time again yet not taken off the team's payroll, what message does that send? That money is more important to the team than having players with integrity who are positive role models and skilled at the game? Where is the accountability? Many players, apparently, feel above the law. Are sports leagues also somehow responsible for perpetuating that attitude by not issuing tougher consequences when it comes to unacceptable off-field behavior? Is it a "win at any cost" mentality? Seems so.

There's a lot of talk about baseball and football but it's not fair to focus on just those sports. They are talked about the most probably because they are the most watched and most popular here in the U.S. But look at track and field, for example. How many runners have been banned temporarily or permanently from competing after testing positive for illegal performance enhancing drugs? Pharmacists have developed and continue to develop drugs that will go undetected, so can we ever be sure the our world-class athletes are 'clean'? And answer me this, why do we need drugs that cannot be detected in drug tests? Is there a reason other than to make it easy to cheat, easier to win? People are starting to wonder about the use of these drugs in tennis and golf. College baseball players are going under the knife for unnecessary surgeries to make their arms stronger. It's not drugs, but is this kind of performance enhancement fair? Is it right? And why is some surgeon willing to perform that surgery? Oh wait, for the money of course. Tell me, where and when does it stop? How many have to turn off the TV, give up their season tickets, stop buying the jerseys and team logo paraphernalia before it hurts enough to spur real and consistent action by the 'powers that be'?

Winning is great. We all love to be on winning teams or fans of teams with winning records. But again, are we willing to be a part of it at any cost? With players, coaches and referees who cheat? With teams whose star players have sizeable rap sheets? Or ones who pump themselves full of performance enhancing drugs before the game? When I buy a ticket to a concert I don't want to see lip-synching. And when I buy a ticket to a sports event - which is like a small investment these days - I want an authentic experience. I don't want to look at the athletes and think that just about anyone in the stands could be out on that field or running that race if they just pumped themselves up with enough drugs. It seems if players, coaches and all those involved cared a little more about earning fans' respect and trust rather than a fat paycheck it would be better for us all, and most of all better for the game.

** Please submit any comments below.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

By: Amy Bailey, General Manager, Values Count, LLC

On Compassion, Caring & Empathy…

Welcome to the first entry of our new blog! Those of us at Values Count seem to find many opportunities in our own lives to dialogue on the topic of values and thought it made perfect sense to start a blog. Each week, or so, I will post a new entry. I may even invite some ‘guest bloggers’ to contribute from time to time. I have to say, I’m kind of excited about it. There is no shortage of topics to blog about that are relevant to what we do here. Whether it’s something going on in the news, with our families, what we’ve observed or experienced in our places of work or the communities in which we live – everything seems to point back to values in some capacity. Sometimes the values issues are more obvious than others but values are what drive our behavior thus they are ever-present and they often make for interesting and revealing conversation.

Coincidentally, this week has been a bit difficult for me personally as one of our family dogs is ailing and her prognosis is not favorable. I didn’t think I’d be starting our blog on a down note but it’s what is going on at the moment. We adopted her ten years ago so it’s hard to imagine our household without her, which unfortunately is a scene that will be realized one day much too soon. My experiences on Monday with two separate vets – a specialist whom I had just met that day and our regular vet – struck me in myriad ways but some values really jumped out at me. Speaking specifically of the veterinary doctors, I felt a genuine compassion, caring and empathy from them - not only for my dog but for me. Later it made me think about professions where it might be particularly beneficial, almost required, that an individual be quite compassionate, caring, understanding, and empathetic. What popped into mind initially was a short list that consisted of vets, doctors, nurses, those who work with the disabled, teachers and hospice workers. But then I thought – well, is there really a job or function where compassion, caring or empathy aren’t required? I couldn’t think of any. Clearly those in professions who must deal with diagnosing the terminally ill may find they are openly practicing these values on a more regular basis than someone in accounting, for example, but in every workplace there is a place for these values. Sometimes frequently, sometimes just on occasion.

I can recall caring bosses who helped me work through challenging times; coworkers who ‘felt my pain’ when I was ill or especially stressed and offered to help me out. Sometimes the littlest of gestures made a big difference. If folks in a business office environment were polled about what values they practiced or saw practiced on a regular basis, I wonder where compassion, caring and empathy would fall on that list? Towards the top, the middle or the bottom? I don’t know but I do know that I was particularly thankful on Monday for the expression of those values. One might think that people who have had to repeatedly deliver bad news to others might somehow become numb to it. That it might be ‘just another part of the job’, but that was not my experience. They were compassionate, caring and patient with both my dog and me and I will be forever grateful that they showed me that kindness during a most difficult and sad time. And while they earned my confidence with their knowledge and expertise, more importantly they earned my respect and trust based on how they treated us - the latter being the main reason why these gentlemen will not only have my business for years to come, they will also come highly recommended by me to others.

** Please submit any comments below.